Started my research for today’s topic completely wrong. Grabbed my coffee and jumped straight into deep academic journals like an idiot. Barely got three sentences in before my eyes glazed over. Threw my hands up and mumbled “Nope, ain’t happening today.”
Switched gears fast. Fired up YouTube and searched “Diocletian quick summary”. Found some dude in a bathrobe explaining the Tetrarchy over his morning toast. That’s more like it. Scribbled notes like crazy: “Two Senior Emperors (Augusti)”, “Two Junior Emperors (Caesars)”, “Divide to conquer.” Made way more sense than those dusty papers.
Needed to connect him to now. Knew he tried freezing prices. Went down a rabbit hole reading about modern rent control arguments online – forum threads, angry comments, the whole mess. Shook my head thinking about Diocletian ordering price ceilings on damn near everything. Imagine bureaucrats running around ancient Rome trying to enforce prices on grain and sandals! People back then must have hated it too. Same arguments then as now, probably. Wrote down: “Price Edict = Ancient Rent Control Chaos?”
Wanted to figure out why he mattered. His retirement shocked me most. Dude just… quit. Packed his bags, built a giant palace by the sea, and started gardening? After running the whole empire? That was his big finale?
- Realized nobody expects that from leaders now. They cling on forever.
- His Tetrarchy collapsed almost immediately after he left. Total dumpster fire.
- But the sheer audacity of walking away… stuck with me.
Tried weaving these scraps together. Started drafting:
“Most Roman Emperors died messy deaths. Stabbed. Poisoned. Bad plumbing maybe. Diocletian? He quit. Told his buddies ‘peace out’, hauled himself off to Croatia… to grow cabbages. Seriously. Can you imagine Bezos just dipping to plant tomatoes?”
Got sidetracked obsessing over the word “Tetrarchy”. Is it important for people to know the term? Asked my cat. She looked bored. Decided to ditch the jargon entirely. “Four dudes splitting up the empire”? Yeah. That’ll do. Screw the technical term.
Stared at my draft. Needed one killer “So What?”. Went back to gardening. That cabbage thing. Maybe he burned out? Saw the job was impossible? Pure self-preservation? Couldn’t prove it, but it felt human. Modern lesson: Sometimes you gotta stop climbing and just plant some damn vegetables. Ended the piece with that thought. Imperfect. Rough around the edges. But it felt real.
