It all started last week when I was binge-watching documentaries about Greek mythology at 3 AM. Suddenly my phone buzzed with a trivia question: “Which famous statue shows Ares resting his foot on conquered enemies?” My brain froze. I thought, wait – doesn’t the Louvre statue have him sitting? Cue four hours of obsessive research rabbit holes.
The statue confusion begins
First I googled “big war god statues” like a caveman. Images flooded my screen showing:
- The lounging dude (Ares Ludovisi)
- Angry helmet man (Ares Borghese)
- That one with the weird ankle wings (Ares from Alcamenes)
Total mess. Why do museums keep labeling random muscular guys as Ares? Grabbed my notebook and decided to physically visit three replicas downtown.
My hands-on comparison
Day 1: At the classical sculpture exhibit, stared at Ludovisi’s replica for 20 minutes straight. Noticed three things:
- He’s straight up CHILLING on rocks
- Zero armor – just naked with a tiny shield
- Peaceful face like he’s daydreaming about cupcakes
Day 2: Found Borghese version at the university art department. Completely different vibe:
- Full battle mode with detailed armor
- Left foot aggressively stomping something invisible
- Beard looks like he glued steel wool to his chin
Day 3: The wings version confused me most. Local history museum had plaster casts – spotted tiny wings fluttering on the ankles. Security guy told me it’s the “oldest try at making Ares look fancy”.
The lightbulb moment
Smashed my notes together and realized the key differences:
- Lounging Ares is propaganda art – Romans made him look lazy to diss Greek warmongering
- Angry Stompy Ares is Greek OG version showing his violent nature
- Winged Ankles guy was basically ancient fanfiction mixing him with Hermes
Took me half a jar of peanut butter to grasp this. Turns out artists kept redesigning the war god based on who was paying them! Romans made him soft. Greeks made him terrifying. Renaissance dudes just slapped random mythological traits together.
Final test: Cornered my nephew playing Assassin’s Creed Odyssey. Showed him all three statues. Kid pointed at Borghese version yelling “That’s the real one! He looks ready to smash people!” Case closed. Sometimes you need a 10-year-old’s perspective to cut through art history BS.
