Alright folks, today was wild. Totally random idea popped into my head: I gotta find some statues of Hades nearby. Why? Heck if I know, maybe just felt like it. Figured it couldn’t be that hard. Famous dude, right? God of the Underworld? Should be statues everywhere. Boy, was I wrong.
The First Stupid Mistake
Okay, first thing I did? Grabbed my phone. Like a total genius, I just typed “Hades statue near me” into some search app. You know what I got? A whole bunch of nothing useful. Seriously. Pages about the video game character, some weird myths, and zero actual locations. Felt dumb instantly. Kept scrolling like an idiot, hoping something would pop up. Nothing did.
Time to Get Real (Sort Of)
Fine, needed a better plan. Dumped the phone on the couch. Remembered that old museum downtown my uncle used to talk about, said it had tons of dusty old stuff. Drove down there, paid the entrance fee, wandered around for like an hour. Lots of boring vases and broken helmets. Asked this super young guy at the desk, “Hey, you got any statues of Hades?” He blinked at me like I was speaking gibberish. “Hades, sir? Like… Pluto? We have a bust of Poseidon…?” Yeah, no thanks. Waste of gas and time.
Started thinking differently. Maybe not museums. Where else might someone stick a statue of a scary god? Places get weird sometimes. Tried these spots next:
- The Creepy Garden Store: That place with gargoyles and fake Roman columns. Nope. Just gnomes and fairies.
- The University Campus: Figured the Classics department might have something. Wandered into the Humanities building. Saw a statue of Athena. Got excited. Ran closer. Read the plaque. Yeah, Athena. Not Hades. Asked a professor-looking type. He mumbled something about “limited depictions outside Orpheus reliefs.” Whatever that means. Nada.
- The High-End Pawn Shop: Guys claim they get “ancient artifacts” sometimes. Totally kidding myself. Showed a picture on my phone. Guy laughed. “We got Elvis busts, pal.” Fantastic.
Getting Desperate (And Weird)
Okay, feeling frustrated. Started driving around, kinda aimlessly. Eyes peeled for anything statue-like that looked even remotely gloomy. Passed like fifteen churches – pretty sure Hades isn’t big in Sunday school. Checked out this massive cemetery – seemed appropriate, right? Just angels and crosses. Got yelled at by some guy for walking on the grass near a fancy mausoleum. Left fast.
Then, driving back past this ancient-looking tattoo parlor downtown, way off the main drag. Looked like it hadn’t been updated since the 70s. Dingy window. And what do I see? Right there in the corner of the window display. A foot-high, painted plaster statue. Dark robes, holding a key. Kinda crappy, looked like it might’ve come from a Halloween store years ago and just… stayed. That was it. That was Hades.
Pulled over fast. Walked in. Place smelled like antiseptic and old carpet. Asked the tattoo artist (big beard, arms covered in ink) about it. He shrugged. “Old thing. Belonged to the previous owner. Just sits there. Why?” Told him I’d been looking everywhere. He chuckled. “Bro, you need to hang out at more goth bars or something. Seen a couple decent ones in those places. Couple antique malls sometimes get weird pagan stuff too. Honestly, most people don’t want statues of the Death God in their living room.” He kind of had a point.
Mission… Completed? (Kinda)
So yeah. I found “Hades”. It was a dusty, probably mass-produced piece of plaster gathering dust in a tattoo shop window. Not exactly the majestic bronze I imagined in a museum courtyard. But hey, he counted! Now I can’t stop seeing the darn things. My friend’s weird uncle has a tiny resin one on his bookshelf. Saw another in the background of some pizza place owner’s interview on the local news channel. Weirdly specific rabbit hole, turns out they are around, just hidden in the strangest, most overlooked spots. Guess I was looking in all the “official” places and ignoring the real world chaos. Lesson learned. Go figure.
