My Awkward Coffee Shop Experiment
So last Tuesday I decided to test this “looking glass self” thing people keep talking about. Honestly felt kinda dumb at first, standing in my kitchen psyching myself up like a boxer before a fight. Grabbed my notebook – this cheap spiral thing from the dollar store – and just scribbled “Today’s Mission: Notice how people’s faces react to me. Don’t assume. Just see.”
Walked to my usual coffee spot downtown. My head was spinning with questions: “Do strangers frown when they see me? Do baristas seem annoyed taking my order?” Normally I’d just assume yes and shrink into myself. This time, I forced myself to actually look at their eyes, their mouths, their posture. Took a deep breath, pushed the door open.
- Approached the counter: Barista was wiping down the espresso machine, looked up. Saw… nothing? Neutral face. Just a tired Tuesday expression. Noticed his name tag said “Ben.” Ordered my usual latte. He nodded, mumbled the price. No eye-roll, no sigh. Huh.
- Waited by pickup area: Lady next to me tapped her foot, glanced at her watch five times in a minute. Felt that familiar spike of “Oh god, she thinks I’m slow, she’s annoyed at me.” Made myself observe. Her eyes were fixed on the door, not me. Probably waiting for someone. Definitely not thinking about my existence.
- Got my coffee: Said “Thanks Ben!” way too loud. He blinked, then flashed a quick, surprised smile. “No problem.” Felt ridiculous for overthinking his neutral face moments before.
Sat down with my notebook again. Hands were shaking a little from the adrenaline of actually paying attention. Scribbled: “Barista Ben: tired, not hostile. Foot-tapping lady: anxious, not judging me. Me: projecting my insecurities HARD.”
Whole walk home felt weirdly lighter. Realized how much energy I waste assuming negative stuff based on zero evidence. My brain just feeds me this story about people disliking me, and I swallow it whole. Actually watching people? Turns out most folks are wrapped up in their own worlds. Ben’s probably stressing about rent. Foot-tap lady was probably late for a meeting. My self-image was built on a house of worried guesses, not real reflections. Felt like taking off dirty glasses.
Tried it again yesterday at the grocery store. Made eye contact with the cashier, really smiled this time. You know what? She genuinely smiled back, asked about my day. Small thing, but huge for me. This “looking glass” thing? It’s not magic. It’s just choosing to see the actual reflection, not the one your scared brain paints over it. Still mess it up sometimes, sure. But now I catch myself quicker. Pull out that stupid dollar store notebook. Write what I actually see, not the scary story. Feels less like the world’s against me now. Just feels like… life.
