My Viking Costume Hunt Disaster
Okay, so last month my idiot brother Mike announces his bachelor party theme: Vikings. Seriously? Instead of something normal, we gotta dress like Ragnar friggin’ Lothbrok. Guess who got stuck finding costumes for the whole damn crew? Yeah, me. Zero clue where to start. Just knew I wasn’t gonna bankrupt myself over this nonsense.
Phase 1: Total Chaos
First instinct? Hit up the giant online mall everyone uses. You know the one. Total mistake. Typed in “viking costume” and BAM, a million options hit me. Everything looked super cheap and fake, like plastic Halloween crap. Prices? All over the damn place. One minute seeing a “costume” for $25 that looked like it’d rip if you sneezed, next minute fancy wool tunics for $300. My head was spinning. How do you even know what’s halfway decent?
Phase 2: Retail Therapy Fail
Figured maybe actual stores would be better. Big mistake number two. Went to this national party chain store downtown. Felt like stepping into a fluorescent nightmare. Found one measly rack with “viking” stuff buried between witches and zombies. Thin fabric, scratchy as hell seams, sizes all wrong. The fancy historic costume shop downtown? Oh man. Beautiful stuff, felt amazing. Looked at one leather tunic tag – $450! Almost choked. Cashier gave me that pity smile. Noped right outta there. This ain’t Game of Thrones Hollywood money here.
Phase 3: Digging Deep Online
Back to the internet, determined. Went down the rabbit hole, hard. Found costume sites, history buff sites, even weird niche hobby forums talking smack about each other’s gear. Read reviews until my eyes bled. Focused hard on finding places people said didn’t suck without charging an arm and a leg. Looked for keywords like “durable” and “worth the price”. Checked prices like a hawk, comparing shipping costs too – that stuff adds up fast!
My Top 5 Winners (Surprisingly)
After weeks of this madness, comparing notes with Mike (who was zero help, btw), here’s where I actually found decent stuff without needing a bank loan:
- Medieval Mega Mart Online: Sounds generic, right? But surprisingly solid for basics. Found good wool tunics starting around $60-$70. Lots of size options, decent shipping time. Good for starters.
- The European Market Place: Found this big auction site based in the UK actually has killer deals sometimes. Scored genuine leather bracers for $40 flat (shipping included!) for Mike. You gotta watch shipping dates though.
- Reliable Ren Faire Outfitter: Specializes in Renaissance stuff, obviously. Paid a bit more here – maybe $90-$110 for a tunic – but fabric felt thicker, stitching looked strong. Guys said they were comfy all night long during the “raiding” (i.e., bar hopping). Worth the extra $20 bucks for quality.
- Canadian Costume Co-op: Weird little site focused on historical stuff run by enthusiasts. More unique pieces, like a sweet fur vest for $75 for myself. Prices fair, shipping was slow as molasses. Plan ahead if you need it quick.
- Budget Battle Wear Emporium: Exactly what it says on the tin. Found simple tunic and pants sets under $50. Looked perfectly fine in photos, felt surprisingly okay in person. Absolute cheapest option that didn’t scream “last minute desperation”.
End Result & My Two Cents
Ended up mixing sources based on what everyone wanted to spend. Most guys went Budget Battle or Medieval Mart basics. Mike got his leather from the European place. My furry vest from Canada was a hit. Did we look ready to sack Lindisfarne? Nah, more like “Vikings After a Rough Night.” But we looked the part enough for cheap beer and stupid photos. Cost varied, but avoided total crap or financial ruin. Key takeaways?
- Online giant stores are overwhelming junk. Start with specialized places.
- REALLY read reviews. Look for actual photos posted by buyers.
- DO NOT wait till last minute. Shipping dramas are real.
- Consider fabric. Fleece is cheap but screams costume party. Wool or thick cotton looks miles better.
- Prices jump wildly. Don’t buy the first thing you see.
Saved receipts like my life depended on it. Surprisingly, only one guy needed an exchange (wrong size pants from Budget Battle). Overall? Got it done. Brotherhood remains intact. Barely. Skål, or whatever.
