So yeah, I gotta tell ya about my whole adventure trying to join this Sovereign Military Order of Malta thing. Sounded fancy, right? Ancient knights helping people. Figured, why not? Might as well give it a shot and see what’s what.
Stumbling into the Starting Block
First off, I had absolutely zero clue where to begin. I mean, it ain’t exactly like signing up for a gym membership online. I spent ages just digging around trying to find actual information that wasn’t written like a dusty old textbook from the 1600s. My starting point ended up being checking if they were even active in my country. No local office? Forget it. Luckily, turns out they kinda-sorta are, through something called an Association. Found one kinda near-ish, so that was step one.
The “Oh God, the Paperwork” Phase
Let me tell ya, getting ahold of the actual application form felt like cracking a secret code. Finally got my paws on it, and holy moly. This wasn’t filling out your name and address for a discount card. Needed:
- Proof I wasn’t a raging jerk: Like, serious character references. Not just my pal Steve saying I’m cool. Needed legit people – professional types, community leaders, even my parish priest! Took me weeks just to track these folks down and sweet-talk them into writing me fancy letters.
- My whole life story: Birth certificate? Yeah, obviously. Baptismal records? Check. But then also, detailed info about my job history, degrees, volunteer stuff I did, any clubs I belonged to… felt like applying for the CIA but with more Jesus.
- The “Why Bother?” Essay: Yeah, I had to write a whole dang essay explaining why I wanted to join this ancient knight club and promise I wasn’t just in it for the cool title (which, let’s be honest, part of me totally was).
- Proof I’m Actually Catholic: And not just a Christmas and Easter kinda guy. Needed letters from my parish proving I actually go to mass regularly and participate. Whoops. Had to step up my church game for a solid six months just to get that sorted!
By the time I mailed off this giant, certified package of my entire existence, I was mentally exhausted. And that was just step two!
The Long, Long Wait (and the Interrogation)
Months. MONTHS of crickets chirping. I figured maybe I’d just blown a bunch of postage for nothing. Then finally, got this very formal letter inviting me for what they called an “informal discussion.” Yeah, right. Felt more like a job interview meets a therapy session meets a history quiz.
- They grilled me about my faith. Like, deep stuff. Did I truly understand Catholic social teaching? What about the Order’s mission?
- Wanted to know EVERYTHING about why I volunteered where I did. Motives, what I learned, would I keep doing it?
- Asked point-blank why they should even consider letting someone like me in.
It was intense! Left feeling like I’d just sat my finals all over again.
The Patience Test (AKA More Waiting)
Got home, brain fried. And then? More waiting. Another couple of months trickling by, wondering if I’d managed to fail the vibe check. Seriously contemplated just forgetting the whole thing.
“You’re In… Kinda”
Then, another formal letter arrived. My hands were shaking opening it. Turns out, they were recommending me for membership! BUT (there’s always a but, isn’t there?) I wasn’t actually a full-on member yet. I was invited to become an Applicant. This involved:
- A swanky-sounding formal dinner with existing members (translation: behave yourself!).
- Getting officially “presented” to the Order folks locally.
- Sitting through this ceremony where they formally made me an Applicant. Felt weirdly medieval. Cool, but weird.
The Real Work Starts NOW
Here’s the kicker. Being an Applicant isn’t the finish line; it’s basically probation for knights. Now I have to actually prove I meant all that stuff I said:
- Attend way more Order-related events than I ever planned on.
- Get involved in specific volunteering projects they run.
- Seriously step up my charity game through them.
- Oh, and keep paying annual dues. Those ancient hospices don’t run on good vibes alone.
Only after doing this stuff consistently for at least another year do I even get considered for the next step up. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
So… Was it Worth It?
Honestly? Ask me again when (if!) I finally get that knight title! It’s been one heck of a ride already – way harder and way longer than I ever imagined. Tons of forms, proving myself constantly, waiting forever. But, I am technically “in” the door as an Applicant, doing work that feels genuinely important with a group steeped in history. That part feels pretty damn cool, even if I’m still miles away from rocking a cape. If you’re thinking about it, buckle up. And stock up on certified mail envelopes.
