Got my butt out of bed crazy early today cause I wanted to hit Tate Modern before the crowds. Grabbed my Oyster card, stuffed some snacks in my backpack – museums make me hungry as hell – and jumped on the tube. Changed at Green Park, straight to Southwark station. Easy peasy. Walked across that big Millennium Bridge with all the tourists taking selfies. Windy as heck out there.
The Entrance Surprise
Got to Tate Modern around 9:30am thinking I’d sail right in. Nope! Saw this insane queue twisting around the building. Security was taking forever with bags. Pro tip? Leave your giant backpack at home or come way later. My little backpack passed through ok though. After like 15 minutes of watching pigeons fight, finally made it inside that huge Turbine Hall.
My Sketchy Tour Plan
Didn’t bother with audio guides – too expensive for what you get. Instead, I hauled out my phone and pulled up Tate’s free “highlights tour” routes online. Screenshotted three key spots I absolutely wanted to see:
- That creepy spider sculpture by Louise Bourgeois
- The blurry photo room (Salvador Dali stuff looks mental)
- The giant crack in the floor installation – can’t remember the artist’s name
Started at Level 3 since everyone else was piling into Level 2. Smart move! Had entire rooms to myself sometimes.
Weird Art Encounters
Saw the spider first. Huge bloody thing in a corner room. Took me five minutes to notice the tiny egg sac under its belly – freaky. Pro tip: Walk all the way around sculptures or you’ll miss weird details.
Found Dali’s melting clock painting but honestly? That room full of blurry human photos messed with my head more. Some looked like ghosts. Felt kinda dizzy so I sat on the bench till my brain stopped buzzing.
The floor crack? Total letdown. Just a concrete trench. People were throwing coins in like a damn fountain. Felt like kicking some in but security guards stared me down.
Random Survival Stuff
Coffee prices inside? Daylight robbery. Walked five minutes to Borough Market instead. Had this epic sausage roll + sat by the river. Bathrooms near the Turbine Hall are cleaner than ones upstairs. Your feet will hurt like hell from concrete floors – wore my comfiest trainers and still ended up limping.
Got stuck behind a big tour group taking photos of a fire extinguisher thinking it was “conceptual art”. Couldn’t stop laughing. Just move rooms when herds show up.
Wandered out exhausted around 2pm. Best part? That weird “living statue” guy outside miming like he was trapped in a box. Threw him a quid. Worth every penny.
