So today I got this itch to dig into those old sea guys, you know? The ones who sailed off thinking the earth was flat or whatever. Grabbed my laptop and a cold coffee that got warm way too fast, plus that history book Aunt Marge gave me last Christmas – dust was thicker than the pages. Started simple: typed “explorers who actually found stuff” into the search bar. Tons of names popped up, obviously. Needed to narrow it down.
Where I Started
Decided to focus on six big names everyone kinda argues about. Wanted more than just their routes, like what kinda messed-up sandwiches they ate on those ships. Propped open that dusty book at the chapter called “Age of Stupidly Dangerous Boats.” Had my notes app open on the other side. Screen looked like a digital war zone.
- Columbus: Kept typing his name, and whoa. Dude really thought he landed near India? Found some sketchy diary stuff online about his first impression meeting the locals. Said they looked “easy to boss around.” Yikes. Highlighted that part. Yellow.
- Vasco da Gama: This guy sailed around Africa to India? Found a wild website comparing his ship snacks (spoiled biscuits, probably) to what sailors eat now (chocolate bars). Couldn’t stop thinking about scurvy. Seriously, bad.
- Magellan: Okay, “first around the world” but HE didn’t even finish it? His crew limped back without him. Read about some mutiny drama halfway through. Scribbled “drama llama?” in my notes. Pretty sure the crew just wanted less weevil-filled bread.
- James Cook: Looked up his map-making skills. Wow. His charts were crazy accurate for sticks and ropes. Also stumbled onto how he died. Messy. Bookmarking that for later deep-dive coffee time.
- Hernan Cortes: Less sailing, more conquering. Wanted to see his chainmail supplier. Joking! Mostly read letters between him and the Spanish king. So much greed and excuses. Printed out a map showing his march inland. Looks exhausting.
- Henry Hudson: Got stuck in Canada because his crew were total jerks? Apparently ditched him on a tiny boat. Found a sad drawing of him floating off. Bad way to end. Left me staring at my lukewarm coffee feeling grim.
Putting it All Together
Spent ages arranging the facts on my doc. Made bullet points, deleted them, made terrible tables, deleted those too. Coffee gone. Cat jumped on the keyboard twice. Finally just listed them chronologically. Not perfect, but readable.
Staring at my screen, thought: these guys weren’t heroes, not really. Just dudes with boats, big egos, and zero clue what was next. Changed stuff forever, yeah, but dang, what a mess they made. Most died broke, lost, or stabbed in the back. Felt kinda glad I just write about them from my couch. Book shut. Laptop closed. Gotta wash that coffee mug now.
