Let Me Tell Ya How It Started
Right, so I got totally hooked on this old castle docu last week – Bailey Castle stuff, real old-school stone piles kinda thing. They kept yapping about this “motte defence,” and I’m sitting there scratching my head like, “How the heck did they even make that steep dirt hill?” Pure curiosity grabbed me, ya know? Needed to get my hands dirty.
Gettin’ My Hands Dirty… Literally
Popped down to the local hardware shop first thing yesterday morning. Grabbed what I figured I’d need:
- A big bag o’ cheap sand
- Some regular garden dirt
- Dollar store plastic trays for shaping stuff
- My old gardening shovel that’s seen better days
- Popsicle sticks galore for fencing
- Cheap craft glue that probably won’t hold anything
Found a clear spot on my patio table. Cleared off the empty coffee mugs and dead plants. Made a start with the sand, pouring out a kinda flat circle right there on the tabletop. Looked pathetic, just a sad little sandy circle. Needed height!
The Motte Mountain Mission
Started piling that garden dirt right smack in the middle of the sand circle. Scooped shovel loads, patted it down kinda firm – my back hurt like hell after 10 minutes! Slowly, slowly, built up a cone shape. Wanted those steep sides real bad, like a proper motte defence. Took flipping ages to get it steeper without it all collapsing sideways. Sweat pouring down my face. Kept patting, shaping, adding more dirt. Felt like I was digging my own grave for a bit!
Finally had a dirt mountain I was almost proud of. Then the rain hit. Heavy summer downpour. Had to scramble like a madman, dragging my table under the porch roof with my dirt mountain wobbling dangerously! Water started trickling down the sides, bits washing away. Total panic mode! Covered it quick with a plastic trash bag I found.
Building the Walls (& Headaches)
Next day, the dirt pile was kinda damp but mostly held together. Dried it with a hair dryer on low cause I’m impatient. Time for the fun bit – the walls! Grabbed the popsicle sticks. Started glueing them end-to-end vertically around the base of the dirt mountain, right on the flat sand part (that’s the Bailey bit, learned that!). Glue was awful, sticks kept falling over before it set. Felt like herding drunk cats.
Found a trick – held ’em straight for like a whole minute each with sweaty fingers till the glue grabbed enough. Built two rows around the whole base. It looked messy but, hey, it stood up! Felt smug for about 2 seconds.
Defence Time! (Where the Name Kicks In)
Now the Motte Defence part! On top of my dirt mountain? That’s where the main stronghold would be. Built a tiny little square with popsicle sticks right at the peak. Stuck a toothpick with a tiny paper flag on it. For defence? Made a tiny little palisade fence with short stick bits around the peak too. Hardest bit? Making that steep slope up to the top on my dirt pile – shaped it like a narrow ramp winding up one side. Kept crumbling! Used watered-down glue brushed on the earth to kinda solidify the surface. Worked better than I thought.
Stared at it. Yeah, okay, it looked rough. Sand was messy, glue blobs everywhere, bits of leaf stuck to it. But! You got the high motte, the lower Bailey defended by the stick walls, and the steep climb up. Motte defence baby! I finally saw how the design protected the important bits inside the Bailey walls. The high ground gave them a real advantage.
Lessons From My Mini Disaster Zone
Honestly? It was harder than those TV shows make it look. Just building the steep motte mound takes real muscle and know-how, shaping dirt that wants to slide. Forget big stones yet – just the earthworks are a huge effort. Protecting the stuff inside the Bailey walls? Makes total sense when you look at the height difference. But man, one heavy rain could ruin everything for those old guys. Respect to their labour! My little model? It barely survived a summer shower under a bin bag!
Why Bother Doing This Messy Thing?
Sounds silly maybe? But actually building that wonky dirt pile hammered home stuff way harder than just reading about castles ever did. Makes you appreciate the sheer effort, the practicality of the design. Those guys weren’t just stacking rocks; they were moving mountains of earth first! Gotta try it yourself to really get it. Even if your kid comes out, points and laughs, “Daddy’s castle looks like a muddy cake!” …Maybe it kinda does. Point taken, kid.
