So my boss dropped this project on me outta nowhere yesterday morning – “pick five Greek gods from the Odyssey that’d fit well as workplace role models.” Sounded like some college homework at first, not gonna lie. Figured it’d be quick but oh boy, did this spiral.
Diving into the Chaos
Started rereading chunks of the Odyssey over coffee. My dog-eaten Penguin Classics copy was literally falling apart. Did this while eating toast because, well, adulting. Instantly noticed Zeus – dude’s supposed to be top boss but kept napping around like my grandpa after Thanksgiving dinner. Highlighted that whole part where he basically ignores Athena’s request. Real useful leadership there, pal. Boss material? Nah.
The Spreadsheet Nightmare
Tried making a ranking sheet like a dork. Columns were “Power Level,” “Actual Helpfulness,” “Vibes.” Got messy fast:
- Athena: legit carried Odysseus entire journey. A++ teammate. Got tagged “MVP – Hire This One”
- Poseidon: spent whole book throwing tantrums like a toddler denied candy. Wrote “DO NOT PROMOTE” in red
- Hermes: popped in exactly twice to save Odysseus’ bacon. Noted “Useful freelancer vibes – call when crisis hits”
Hitting the Wall
Was stuck at 3 solid picks. Scrolled through dumb Buzzfeed listicles like “10 Hottest Greek Gods??” Useless. Remembered that drunk guy Homer Simpson meme about the Iliad. Almost quit when my phone died mid-research. Plugged it in, made another coffee. Dark roast required at this point.
The “Office Gods” Moment
Slapped forehead when it clicked. Stop overcomplicating it. Boss wants workplace parallels? Fine. Picked gods based on real office crap we deal with daily:
- Athena: That one hyper-competent colleague who fixes everyone’s messes
- Hermes: Office messenger who actually knows what’s happening
- Hephaestus: Quiet tech guy who builds useful stuff in his cave (server room)
The Weird Realization
Finished the list around midnight. Real talk? Half these “role models” are goofy as hell. Imagine telling HR “let’s channel Poseidon’s work ethic!” We’d get sued for creating a hostile workplace. Boss probably just wants slides for some leadership retreat icebreaker. Oh well. Done is beautiful. Gonna update my Sims gameplay with these personality types later though – might be more useful there honestly.
