Alright, so I was scrolling through stuff last weekend when this itch hit me – I wanted to actually learn Renaissance artists beyond just da Vinci and Michelangelo. Everyone talks about ’em but who else was slinging paint back then? Grabbed my laptop around 10 PM thinking “this’ll take an hour tops”. Boy was I wrong.
The Absolute Disaster Start
First mistake? Typed “top Renaissance artists” into that search box. Instant regret. Every dang site listed different names – one had 15, another 20, some random blog said 12 like it was gospel. Got so annoyed I slammed my coffee mug down, spilled half of it right on my sweatpants. Had to change clothes while muttering “why am I even doing this?”
Going Caveman Mode
Tore a page from my kid’s sketchbook and started scribbling names from memory first. Got like 5 down:
- Leonardo (obviously)
- Mikey the chapel painter
- Raphael – ninja turtle guy
- Botticelli – Venus on the shell dude
- Caravaggio – the rowdy one
Realized I only knew the nicknames. Googled “Renaissance artists” again but actually scrolled past the ads this time. Saw names popping up repeatedly and just circled ’em in red pen like a madman. Ended up with 16 ’cause that Donatello sculptor kept appearing and I needed an even number for my post layout.
The Painting Rabbit Hole
This part murdered three hours. Clicked on Caravaggio first – thought “hm, just show that light-dark bread painting”. Then Wikipedia sucked me in. Found out he stabbed a dude over tennis? Saved that gossip for later. For each artist, I dug through:
- Their most famous thing
- One weird lesser-known work
- Some personal drama tidbit
Got side-tracked reading about Titian’s rich client fights for 45 minutes. When my partner yelled “dinner’s cold!”, I hadn’t even started on Raphael.
Putting Humpty Dumpty Together
Pasted everything into a draft around midnight. Looked like alphabet soup. Restructured it chronologically after facepalming – started with Giotto (1300s guy who made flat art look 3D) and ended with Tintoretto. Almost cried trying to spell “Filippo Lippi” right six times. Noticed two artists had Madonna paintings – almost deleted one before realizing different guys painted different holy ladies.
Final Stretch Insanity
Searched images for each masterpiece. My browser tabs looked psychotic – 32 open by 2AM. Almost chose wrong versions three times (apparently everyone painted “David”). Finally slapped captions under each pic with:
- Why it matters
- Where to see it
- One fun fact
Example: For Bosch’s garden painting, wrote “Yes, those are actual butt trumpets in 1500s”. Published at 3:17AM when the cat started screaming for breakfast. Worth it? Learned Michelangelo hated painting and only did the Sistine Chapel ’cause Pope said “do it or else”. Would I do it again? Hell no – next time I’m binge-watching art docs instead.
