How I Accidentally Became a Lazy Monk
It all started last month when my credit card bill scared the crap outta me. Just staring at those stupid charges – $10 coffee every morning, 10 streaming services I never watched, and that fancy gaming chair that hurt my back after two days. Felt like I was bleeding money for useless junk.
So I rage-quit. Not just unsubscribed from Netflix, but smashed the damn remote. Okay not really, just unplugged everything. Called Comcast to cancel internet too, which took 3 hours and one mental breakdown. They kept asking why I’d cancel such a “great bundle deal” – told the guy I’d rather hug a cactus than keep paying $200 monthly for cat videos.
- Phase One: Digital Detox
First week was hell. Kept grabbing my dead phone like a zombie. Woke up at 3 AM craving TikTok so bad I almost cried. Did push-ups till my arms gave up instead. Cleared all my apps except texts and maps – yes I actually needed maps because…
- Phase Two: Transport Torture
Sold my damn car. Seriously. Dealer thought I was nuts getting $3000 for a Honda with bald tires. Started biking everywhere like some 12-year-old. Rained 3 days straight? Pedaled soaked through my underwear. Got groceries by stuffing apples in my backpack till it looked like I had elephantiasis.
- Phase Three: Minimalist Madness
Went nuclear on my apartment. Three garbage bags of clothes to Goodwill – kept two jeans and five shirts. Threw out my collectible Star Wars crap that’d been gathering dust since 2015. Then furniture. Slept on a yoga mat for a week until my neighbor gifted a mattress that smelled like old cheese.
Thought I’d starve when I emptied my kitchen to bare essentials. Ate plain rice with salt for 4 days till I caved and bought eggs. Realized spices didn’t count as luxury – pepper literally saved my sanity.
What Actually Happened
After 30 days of this self-imposed prison? Weird stuff. That constant anxiety knot in my stomach? Gone. Realized most “emergencies” were just ads screaming BUY THIS. Brain stopped buzzing like a trapped fly.
Biggest shock? Time. Suddenly had hours every evening. Read actual paper books from the library. Fixed my leaky faucet watching YouTube at the free laundromat wifi. Wrote 3 chapters of that novel I’d “been meaning to” write since college.
Wallet got fat too. Saved $1270 that month. Paid off my medical debt from slipping on that dumb gaming chair.
Why It Stuck
Tried ordering pizza to “celebrate” end of my experiment. Halfway through the third slice I felt sick and gave rest to a homeless dude. Turns out my body likes simple food better.
Now my “ascetic life” is just normal:
- Phone stays in a drawer unless expecting important calls
- Only buy clothes when current ones develop holes
- Library card’s my most used “subscription”
- Sunday meal prep is rice, eggs and whatever veggies are cheap
It’s not about suffering. It’s cutting the useless crap so you notice actual important shit. Like how good fresh bread tastes when you’re not constantly shoving junk in your face. Or how quiet evenings feel without 100 notifications fighting for attention.
Weirdest advantage? People trust me more. When you show up consistently with less drama and excuses, turns out folks believe your word. Got promoted last week – boss said I seem “more focused”. Nah dude, I’m just not mentally jacked into the chaos machine 24/7 anymore.
