Got my morning coffee brewing extra strong today, needed it after replaying last night’s brain scramble. See, yesterday on the crowded train home, crammed between backpacks and winter coats, I finally cracked open that dusty Montaigne ebook I downloaded ages ago. That quote hit me first thing: “The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” Yeah. Right. Tell that to my boss dumping three urgent projects in my lap right before clock-out.
Anyway, squeezed myself into a tiny corner by the rattling doors, scrolling past Montaigne rambling about cannibals and headaches. Felt kinda pointless, honestly. Until another guy’s shoulder jammed my elbow making me spill lukewarm coffee down my sleeve. Perfect. That’s when Socrates barged in, all “Know Thyself” like he owned the place. Laughed out loud in that packed train car. What? Me? Know myself? Between work deadlines, family stuff blowing up last month, and my basement flooding Tuesday? Barely know what day it is most mornings.
The Slip-Up & The Stumble
Fast forward to 9 PM last night. Still glued to my laptop. Staring at this impossible analytics report needing magic tricks I don’t know. Boss wants it yesterday. Got that familiar twist in my gut – part panic, part exhaustion. Just wanted to slam it shut and binge some dumb show. Almost did. Then remembered Montaigne scribbling essays about living slowly while his literal castle got attacked. And Socrates drinking poison because he picked truth over backing down. Kinda put my dumb report in perspective, I guess.
So instead of mindlessly scrolling memes or forcing another terrible Excel formula, I did something weird. Pressed pause. Just stood up. Walked to the messy kitchen. Didn’t even fix the sewage leak smell still lingering. Filled a glass with water. Took five stupidly slow sips. Felt my shoulders drop a centimeter.
That tiny pause? Holy crap. My thoughts didn’t magically get smarter. But they stopped spinning like a blender. Suddenly noticed:
- The report deadline wasn’t life-or-death, just my boss being frantic.
- Chasing perfection here felt less important than not puking from stress.
- The “impossible” task? Could be hacked down to one key chart tonight, rest done tomorrow.
Hit “save” on that single chart. Sent a quick Slack message: “One core finding attached. Rest coming EOD tomorrow.” Closed the laptop. Boom. Didn’t solve world hunger. Didn’t even solve the basement smell. But stopped fighting reality just for one moment. Listened to the quiet instead of the panic.
Today’s Smudged Lens
Woke up early, basement still smells faintly like disaster. Work inbox pinging nonstop. That twisty feeling? Still lurks behind my coffee mug. But now I see it. It’s just a feeling, not my whole world. Montaigne wasn’t telling me to ditch my life. Socrates wasn’t demanding I become a genius. They were just yelling from the past: “Quit running blind, dummy! Look where your feet are planted!”
Got my stupid coffee cup here. Lukewarm again. Gonna try drinking it slowly, looking at the light hitting the spilled grounds on the counter. That’s it. That’s the practice today. Not knowing myself perfectly. Just noticing the mess right now. And breathing. Still figuring the rest out. One spilled coffee at a time.
