So yesterday I was just chilling watching some Tudor drama reruns when this dumb trivia question popped up: “Which wives did Henry VIII actually execute?” Felt like I kinda knew it but couldn’t remember jack, so I grabbed my laptop and went digging. Here’s how it all went down.
Starting Point Was Total Chaos
First damn thing I did was type “Henry VIII wives” into Google. Saw those six portraits stacked up like a bad Instagram grid. Catherine, Anne, Jane, Anne, Catherine, Catherine. Confusing as hell already. My brain kept mixing up which Catherine got executed when.
Btw did you know Anne Boleyn’s nickname was “the witch queen”? I sure didn’t. Random forum post mentioned it. Sketchy source? Probably. But saved it anyway for bragging rights at trivia night. Went straight to Wikipedia like a basic bro though – skipped all those annoying footnotes in the references section.
Why Execution Happened
Got stuck wondering why only two lost their heads. Found this:
- Anne Boleyn: Charged with witchcraft and adultery? Seemed legit til I read the trial was basically theater. Everybody hated her and Henry wanted a new baby mama
- Catherine Howard: Poor kid got caught banging the court musician after marriage. Messed around and found out – Henry threw a king-sized tantrum
Realized Jane died giving birth and he straight-up divorced the first Catherine. Couldn’t execute the last one fast enough ’cause he kicked it first. Dark times man.
My Dumb Conclusions
Basically those two women were totally trash at politics. Anne pissed off every noble alive by being ambitious. Catherine was young/stupid and cheated on a psycho king. Meanwhile the others:
- Catherine of Aragon: Survived via stubbornness and piety
- Anne of Cleves: Played smart – took divorce gifts and bounced
- Catherine Parr: Outlived him by speedrunning marriage #6
Finished by ranting to my dog about Henry’s commitment issues. Then ordered Tudor history books impulsively. Again. Shelf’s already buckling but whatever.
Funniest part? My aunt tried using this for her book club last month. She mixed up the Annes and got roasted. Might send her my messy notes later. Still shocked medieval politics was just reality TV with beheadings. Probably why Netflix keeps milking it.
